CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA

By Quiconque

Fear

You know what's scarier than finally learning to drive? BUYING ONE'S FIRST CAR. Ulp. Tomorrow it's me vs. the used car dealer. Jeez.

Why is it that I don't know anyone who knows anything about cars? I hate that I don't know anything about cars. But, I've come to the automotive world relatively late in life. Where are all those people who've been urging me for almost 2 decades to learn to drive?

I know quite a few people who THINK they know a lot about cars. But what they really have are some strong opinions. One friend hates all American cars. Well, in the words of Joe Dirt, "You like to see homos naked? That don't help me." I need someone who can help me evaluate a car based on my needs, not based on their opinions.

My neighbor across the street supposedly knows about cars. I printed out the description and the Carfax report on the car I'm going to look at tomorrow, and asked him if he thought the car was at least worth a test drive. He said no BECAUSE THE DEALERSHIP IS IN LONG ISLAND. Perhaps he felt that the car in question could not make the 24-minute drive back to my house. Whatever, he's fired.

So, wish me luck. I might have a car by this weekend. Then all I'll need is a job and an apartment and I might be able to pass for an adult.

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READING: Books and articles on social reproduction.

WATCHING: Various tv judges: Judy, Mathis, Hatchett....