CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA

By Quiconque

Don't get me started
2004-12-16

Random I

Sometimes I wish I had one of those weblog-style diaries so I can write short entries as they come to me.

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The Lost Sheep: You know the parable, right? Okay, maybe you�re not religious, or maybe, like me, you worship the TV. In that case, do you remember the episode of �Frasier� in which his station runs a focus group regarding his radio show? The focus group is supposed to be anonymous, but Frasier and Roz can see the participants through a two-way mirror. Everyone loves the radio show except Tony Shaloub. Frasier fixates on poor Mr. Shaloub and hounds him, eventually burning down the unfortunate man�s newsstand in an effort to find out what exactly Mr. Shaloub did not like. Or, perhaps you are an actory sort of person, and remember the advice given to Spalding Gray not to read the reviews of his performance until the run of the show is over.

Well, last week I read the student evaluations of my class. Glowing reviews! Except one. One lone dissenter claimed that I �show favoritism.�

So, of course I�m obsessed about it. Do I show favoritism? Perhaps. I do respond kindly to those students who are active. I enjoy talking to students in the hallways and around campus. I will admit that I have become friendly with the student who asked me to be the faculty advisor for the new Gay and Lesbian Alliance she was starting at the college. She also brought me lunch, and gave me a ring, and brought her crack baby to class. (Yeep! It just occurs to me that this might all mean that we�re married.) But I did not inflate her grades to reflect whatever personal connection we may have. Granted, the dissenter has no idea what other students� grades are; she only sees the plates of food and the cannolis left on my desk.

Like Frasier, I want to find her and demand an explanation, at the risk of burning down her newsstand. Like Spalding Gray, I will fixate on the word �favoritism� as I grade the final exams. Like the shepherd of the lost sheep I will�.Well, I really don�t plan on doing anything like the shepherd of the lost sheep. I�m actually less interested in winning the dissenter over to my side as I am in proving to her that she�s wrong. Not a very WWJD attitude.

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A Bad Sign: Yesterday, as I was leaving the other college where I tutor, I spied a nun lurking in the lobby. She seemed timid and awkward. She kept to the wall, and shuffled past people with her head down. �Poor dear,� I thought, �I see why she might be comfortable in a convent. The world is probably too much for her.� And then a female voice rang out across the lobby, �Good night, Sr. Quiconque. Have a happy holiday.� At which point the awkward nun turned around and wished the student a Merry Christmas in turn. �Damn,� I thought, and ran outta there as fast as I could.

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Not a Good Sign: Earlier this week, as I was waiting for La Belle Helene and Super Fudge in front of the Toys R Us, an obviously deranged man tried to get my attention by calling out, �Hey, hotsie-totsie.�

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Baby Genius: And on a final note, my 2 year-old first cousin once removed has now learned to express frustration and displeasure by sucking his teeth. We are so proud.



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LISTENING TO: The Smiths: The pain was enough to make a shy bald buddhist reflect and plan a mass murder.

READING: Student papers. My favorites only.

WATCHING: Carnivale repeats on HBO. Where was I when this show first came out?

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