CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA

By Quiconque

Don't get me started
2006-08-09

Et in Arcadia Ego?

My cousin, SuperFudge, predicts that my next job will be working with animals. After all, I�ve worked with small children, the elderly, the deaf, the blind, public college students, private college students, and retail shoppers. Really, what�s left?

SuperFudge�s predictions are somewhat correct in that my work settings are becoming increasingly bucolic. Today I had an interview for a part-time teaching position at Elysium Community College. As I crossed the path to the building where my interview was to take place, I encountered a gaggle of geese grazing under the campus map. (Do geese graze, one may ask. I don�t know, but these geese were hunting and pecking at the grass, perhaps for bugs).

As an urban girl, I have had blessedly few encounters with geese. I find them sinister: they are big as cats and travel in packs. Seeing them walking around in a flock conjures up images of Jurassic Park. I can hear Sam Neill�s voice in my head telling me to run. Furthermore, I am convinced that it was a goose that splattered me and the Fisher Queen with a pint of excrement while we were trying to enjoy Lenny Kravitz�s favorite falafel sandwiches in a park in the Marais.

After greeting me, my interviewer introduced me to the puppy she is training as a service dog. I�ll admit that the dog was very cute, but I had the feeling that the dog was a litmus test for something. So, when the interviewer asked if I�d like to greet the dog, I didn�t feel comfortable saying no. I didn�t realize that my hand was pretty much a salt-lick from wiping my sweaty brow all morning. The dog went to town on it, and I had to sit through the rest of the interview with dog slobber on my hand. (I tried to wipe it off surreptitiously, but it�s hard to be discreet when one�s inner Lucy Van Pelt is screaming her head off).

The interview got even stranger. I learned that I have a very different teaching philosophy from Elysium Community College. I�m not quite as progressive as the teachers at Nearby Women�s College, but I don�t like to give exams and quizzes, since I feel they cause too much anxiety and don�t really measure students� grasp of complex concepts. However, in order to teach at ECC, I must give weekly quizzes. I must give a final exam. I must grade on a bell curve.

All sections of the course use the same textbook. The interviewer had a stack of books: the text, the workbook, the exam masters, and the extension activities�all from the same series. Not much flexibility, there.

I also discovered that, in order to work at Elysium Community College, I need to send in an official transcript, prove my citizenship, and get fingerprinted. I�m surprised that they didn�t ask me to pee in a cup.

I still don�t know if I have the job. I expect to hear from them next week. I�m glad it�s not my dream job, because I don�t want to get invested in teaching in an atmosphere like that. Besides, things are working out well at Nearby Women�s College. The teaching gig would only be supplementary activity and another line on my woefully short CV.

If I do get it, expect to read more true tales of student papers. (Yes, they will be writing papers in my class, I don�t care what anyone else says).

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LISTENING TO: Valentine's Day mixed CD. How deep is your love?

READING: Propaganda for Nearby Women's College

WATCHING: Project Runway. Robert Best better not f up.

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