CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA

By Quiconque

Oh, Lame Movie!

Spoiler Alert!

So, I saw The Da Vinci Code. It was as I expected: lame in many ways. There are always problems translating a book into a film. The Da Vinci Code is no exception, although I must be honest and admit that it is not the worst adaptation I�ve seen. (Simon Birch, anyone, or for that matter, The Door in the Floor? John Irving should stop selling his work to Hollywood, really.) On the surface, it seems as if DVC would make a good film. It�s got murder, an albino, secret societies, codes, police chases, Swiss bank accounts, sexual rites, a French woman, a Smart car.....and a Harvard professor.

See, that professor is the problem. He is what makes for a dull movie. First of all, he�s supposed to be hot, �Harrison Ford in Harris tweed,� as the book says. Tom Hanks does not cut it, and I�m not even talking about the hair. As an academic, I am insulted that the filmakers think the well of hotness is so dry in academia that we�d settle for Tom Hanks.

Second, the movie professor is too long-winded. In a book, especially one written in the third person omniscient, the author has a lot of time to tell the reader the story of the Templars, and of Da Vinci, and of Mary Magdelene, and of the Merovingian kings. Such information need not even fit seamlessly into the rest of the plot. In the movie, the audience needs to know that stuff, and the filmakers need to find a way to tell us, which they do by having Langdon lecture Sophie at various points throughout the film. Mind you, they are on the run for their lives, but take the time to talk about the Templars. (Why he should have to tell her about the Merovingians makes no sense to me. Isn�t she French? Don�t they study history in school there? I mean, it�s not like they�re in the US.)

Lots of exposition in a action/suspense movie? Yawn. There are movies where people do nothing but sit around and talk. But, we paid money to see an albino punch a nun. (Actually, the scenes where Silas explodes into unexpected violence are very effective). And, although Ian McKellen is delightfully fey as Teabing, his lesson on The Last Supper goes on far too long, as does his debate with Langdon on the divine nature of JC. The cops are on your tails, people, stop yammering and do something!

Books can be complex, but moviegoers cannot deal with ambiguity. So, the policeman who hunts Langdon and Sophie down isn�t doing so because he believes they are guilty and he is a dedicated lawman (as it is in the book), but because he is a tool of Opus Dei. The clandestine meeting of bishops is not a tension-filled hostile standoff as portrayed in the novel, because in the film, Catholic orthodoxy is a monolith of evil. So, all the guys in the black dresses and fuschia sashes love Opus Dei.

Finally, the film tells us that libraries are for losers. Gone is the charming scene in which a reference librarian helps the couple solve the �Knight interred by A Pope� clue. No, the library is too far away. The bus ride takes too long. Alas, the helpful librarian is replaced by a search engine on a fellow passenger�s cell phone.
|

LINKS

DIARYRINGS

READING: Job listings

WATCHING: The seventeenth "exclusive" behind the scenes expose of Opus Dei