CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA

By Quiconque

Half-dressed Women for Kerry '04

I spent a lovely weekend in Philadelphia with Ashyknees. We had many adventures involving great food, fine (and not so fine) films, fun friends, and transportation, both public and political.

My visit started off with an expensive and indulgent dinner with Ashy at Zocalo's, followed by an evening of DVD entertainment. Eurotrip was abandoned in favor of the much more satisfying Kill Bill 2. After the film, Ashy offered to show me the dance routine from that cinematic masterpiece, Honey, but I declined.

Saturday morning we feasted on omelets and headed to Center City to see Vanity Fair. The film was beautiful, sumptuous, well-acted, and only slightly related to the novel. The names were the same, but Thackeray's sarcastic social commentary was elided by a Hollywood love story. Vanity Fair is not a love story.

After the movie, we walked to The Gallery, where we were followed by the insistent rhythms of youthful drummers. Ashy bought a skirt at Old Navy. I went to the Reading Terminal Market for the first time. [We ate great, cheap Thai food for lunch.] A trip to a nearby liquor store introduced us to new varieties of boxed wines and a brand of gin called "5 o'Clock." It only costs $5. Do consider it one evening after a hard day of fruitless labor.

We went back to Ashy's house to freshen up. The trolley to Ashy's house is routinely populated by some of the most unsmiling and down-trodden-looking people. Even the children seem subdued by weariness and resignation. Perhaps in an attempt to enliven the ride, the conductor peppered his station stop announcements with additional commentary. "30th Street Station, transfer here to Amtrak and the beach....It's Saturday night, time to take a young lady out....Connect to the Market Frankfort and something else....It's still Saturday night...." I think Ashy and I were the only ones who noticed. Our fellow passengers remained impassive.

The purpose of my visit was Yoko's housewarming party. The food was scrumptious: homemade dumplings and sushi, Japanese candy treats, luscious desserts. The wine was free-flowing and the guests were engaging and interesting. I got to meet other friends from the blogiverse: Pinky, Melbalee[You can click that link, but Melbalee is, malheureusement, dead.], Mr.Snacks, ShastaRed, and the very gentle and dreamy Peth. Sooner said he would come, but he must be a very tiny midget because I did not see him in Yoko's crowded living room. (Oh, my goodness, apparently I also met Waterlilysage, too. But, yes the place was crowded, and I guess we introduced ourselves with our real names. Quel faux pas! I am very sorry, Ms. Sage. Will you allow me to make it up to you with alcohol and/or pastry sometime soon in NYC?)

Sunday morning, Ashy and I brunched with Mama Ass, who drove up in a car she stole from the Kerry motorcade. Well, no, she didn't steal it, but the blue flags fluttering from both back windows made it clear that Mama Ass is fiercely dedicated to the Democratic Party, Kelly Ripa notwithstanding.

Because I am often uncoordinated and seldom foresee the consequences of my actions, I lowered the window in the backseat where I was sitting, and was surprised to see one of the flags fly out the window down the street. "Oh no!" exclaimed Mama Ass as she stopped the car.

Ever-ready Ashyknees leapt to action. She bounded down the road and rescued the flag. She returned to the car, head held high, Kerry banner waving proudly, and discovered that her shirt had popped open as a result of her exertions. Mama Ass is now investigating the feasibility of adding more semi-naked one-woman parades to the fundraising activities in her neighborhood.

The flag was reattached to the window with only minimal damage to my fingers, and Mrs. Kerry, uh, Mama Ass drove Ashy and me to Cosi where we smoked cigarettes and made paper cranes while we waited for Addieplum. We knew her immediately from her nose ring. And no, there is no evident booger problem. We walked to a nearby park that was faintly redolent of horse dung. We sat on a bench and chatted about guns, Alaska, and Paris while mutant bugs crawled all over us.

Time passed too quickly. Soon Addie had to leave to meet a friend, and Ashy and I had to see Garden State. Despite her tattoo, Addie did not choose to see the movie a second time. We parted, sadly, in front of the theater. [I enjoyed Garden State. It pushed all my buttons. I like love stories in which the characters accept that they are crazy, and I am a complete sucker for scenes where people roll into a hotel lobby in slo-mo to a kickass techno beat. I was lovin' this movie.]

Too soon, my weekend was over. I said good night to Ashy and her friends after the movie and made my lonely way to the train station. The journey back was uneventful, which, given the reputations of Septa and NJTransit is the best anyone can hope for.

Next time I come I want to sing karaoke and flick pennies.

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READING: The Merlin Conspiracy by Diana Wynne Jones

WATCHING: Everwood. Is Ephraim a Daddy?