CHARISMATIC MEGAFAUNA

By Quiconque

A Mother�s Love

Overheard across the cubicle partitions:

[RING!] (High-pitched, heavy New York accent) �Library, Wanda speaking�Wait a minute. CALM DOWN. I can�t understand you when you�re all excited like this. You swallowed it? Well, try to bring it back up. Listen, you have to calm down. You�re just making things worse. How did you swallow it? Okay, where are you? You�re at the pizza place on Broadway. Is there a doctor�s office near there? How should I know if there�s a doctor�s office over there?! Why don�t you try to bring it back up? I think it would be better if you bring it back up. Oh, it hurts too much? All right, you�re going to have to go to the doctor. You want me to come down there? Where are you again? Broadway? So that means Fifth, Sixth, Broadway, right? There�s a doctor�s office up here by me. Why don�t you come up here by me? Did you take the car? Where is the car parked? Oh, you don�t want to drive the car up here. No, I really think you need to go to a doctor. Stop getting hysterical. Okay, I�ll come down, but I gotta tell you, it�s going to take me a few minutes to walk over there. Stay calm. I�ll be right there.� [CLICK]

[PHONE DIALING] (High-pitched, heavy New York accent) �Yeah, it�s Wanda. Mary just swallowed her tongue ring at the pizza place. I�ve gotta go to her. I don�t know what she thinks I can do for her, but I�m leaving the office right now. Talk to you later.� [CLICK]

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READING: Student papers. What joy!

WATCHING: Donald Trump acting like a total ass on The Apprentice.